Just another Minnesota Mom blog.

Stanley Norman.

Posted: February 17th, 2008 | Author: | Filed under: Before We had Kids! | 1 Comment »

Before we got married, when we first moved in together, we decided for Christmas we were going to get a dog.

We both grew up with dogs, me with Golden Retrievers, my husband with a Cockapoo and later a Beagle. We wanted a small dog. An interesting small dog. We chose a hairless Chinese Crested. Interesting doesn’t even begin to cover it.

First off, our exotic dog came from some rural suburb of Kansas City, a trailer park really where he was born to a family of dog breeders and showers. Why do breeders all seem to live in rural trailer parks? It’s not what I imagined when I watched the Westminster dog show, but whatever. He came from champion stock and was in our price range and we didn’t have to fly him in, we could drive a few hours and have our little love bucket home that night.

When we first got him, he was barely over a pound, had two seriously cute front teeth and a mullet. His ears were taped to make them stand up for showing. The sweater we purchased for his homecoming was huge, so we cut off a tube sock and stuffed him in sausage style. He looked as white trash as you can get. We loved him. We abandoned the ear taping immediately- he wasn’t going to be doing any dog shows and it was like torture so once the tape came off it never went on again. His ears, 6 years later stand up perfectly fine and he uses them like little radars.

When he was seven months old he was accidentally kicked from the end of the bed by my sleeping husband. He broke his knee. So, here was our hairless sweater wearing puppy with a bright green cast. After he chewed off his cast the first week add to that outfit a nice cone. He was the talk of the neighborhood. Winter weather gives him a bit of trouble with the metal pins still in there; he tends to seize up in about 0.047 seconds of being outside. He’s really good with three legs.

Stanley is not an only “child” he has an older “sister” and an older “brother” both are cats and both have very little time for his shenanigans. Audrey is the boss. She is the boss of everyone. When we brought Stanley home she promptly kicked his little ass. He hasn’t really questioned her authority since. Henry-Simon and Stanley once had a band, until Henry decided to drop out to go to college; Stanley has never been the same since. Henry-Simon is afraid of everyone and everything. He never did go to college; he just hung out at the garbage cans all day. We don’t call him on this because of his fragile self esteem.

Stanley can get into lots of trouble on his own. Eating the cat food, visiting the muffin shop- aka the cat box, jumping onto the coffee table and eating an entire plate of nachos in three bites. Usually he blames it on one of his cousins- Stantwon, Standegaard, Standalino Norminez, Stanaenae, Stangelina, Standaloo and the little deer. You can imagine what the little deer might leave behind.

Stanley has his own brood of “babies” first came Roger, then Pinkie Norman, Hoppy (a bunny that smells like beer), Molly, Bacon (a pig), Baby Jesus (born on Christmas), Eleanor and Pork Chop (another pig). He knows them by name and often gets up in the middle of the night to hunt them down. We wake up to a mountain of stuffed toys under the covers. He’s a very good mom. That’s right.

Katie and Christina (Shi Tzu’s) live across the street. They have been featured in the Strib as cutest dogs of the week. Stanley has a mad crush on them both. They of course are totally oblivious and actually quite snobby since the feature. He makes due with his Christmas 2000 bear from American Eagle, aka Sally Bear. She’s a willing partner and does double duty as a floor buffer.

He’s an attention seeking dog who loves to cuddle and love. His thirteen pound frame inexplicably expands to 200 once in bed; we both grip the edges of the bed while he sprawls out between us. We complain, but we’ve created this little monster. Kicking him out of the bed is going to be the hardest.thing.ever. His hot little body acts like a heater on cold nights and his soft sighs while he sleeps are absolutely adorable.

He is our baby.

Some of the most stressful moments of my life have revolved around this dog. When his back went out and his legs stopped working (me hysterically crying to a new vet, my husband outside smoking and pacing in the parking lot) when he came down with a major case of IBS and lost 3 pounds in a week and couldn’t eat.

He has a better wardrobe than I do, from muscle tees with witty sayings to punked out hoodies and corduroy coats. He has regular pedicures and uses expensive conditioner to keep his skin soft. We cook his food from scratch each week and keep tabs on everything that goes into his mouth because of his allergies.

This dog is so different that what I grew up with. Until we moved to the country our dogs always stayed outside in the kennel. I can’t imagine. Stanley is as much a part of our family as my husband or I. We come together as a package. Travel hinges on boarding, nights away from home are always cut short if he cannot be with us. I don’t think it’s uncommon for our generation to have this attachment to their pets. We’re having kids later, getting married later. Our pets are a huge part of our families.

I love my dog. I know he is just a dog. But he is also part of my heart.

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One Comment on “Stanley Norman.”

  1. 1 Mary Ellen said at 2:01 pm on February 19th, 2008:

    Post a picture!
    He sounds…charming!


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