Just another Minnesota Mom blog.

Heart, Meet Sleeve

Posted: June 30th, 2011 | Author: | Filed under: C-Section | Tags: Blogging, C-Section, Dagmar Bleasdale, hot topics, parenting, Twitter | 8 Comments »

I’ll admit it, I wear my heart on my sleeve.  For better or worse, that’s just how it is.  When it comes to blogging and social media this can be a good and a bad thing, especially when it comes to parenting choices.

Social media is spectacular for finding like-minded people to support and commiserate with, building relationships 140 characters at a time.  But what happens when that tweet from a person you respect comes across your screen and your skin instantly crawls. Like this:

Dagmar hates on c-sections

It’s not pointed at you, but to Twitter in general.  Considering the number of followers Dagmar has (and c-section rate in the US) I imagine more than a few people felt judged by this question.  I felt judged.

As someone who has had 2 scheduled c-sections* it leaves me feeling that I am somehow less of a woman/ mother because I had the birth that I did (which I am totally happy with, btw).  That I am somehow an idiot, because I chose to have a controlled abdominal surgery, something that she believes shouldn’t even be offered.

It was followed up by this:

so if you have a c-section you must be scared of birth...gotcha

Seriously?

So in the span of about 5 minutes I am left feeling like less of a woman/ mother, who is obviously just fearful of vaginal birth and therefore shouldn’t have children…

This is a respected blogger who is known for her breastfeeding and natural birth advocacy.  She is an advocate.  The funny thing about the most vocal advocates is more often than not I find they reduce themselves to making moms feel bad about their choices.  Even if their choices are totally valid.

What difference does it make if I opted to schedule a C-section to avoid an emergency C-section in the event that after a vaginal birth of Baby A, Baby B couldn’t be delivered?  Yes, I know, there was a small chance he would have turned, but really?  I would rather recover from a planned c-section instead of an emergency c-section on top of a vaginal birth.  Does that make me afraid?  No, that makes me smart for weighing my options and risks and making a decision.  Was it medically necessary?  Maybe not, we’ll never know, but I am thankful that the option was there- emergency C-sections are much more difficult to recover from (or so I’ve heard).

It was eventually followed up by this:

Oh, I wasn't *criticizing*...right!

 

Yes Dagmar, telling women that #1) their choice is something you don’t believe should be an option for them, #2) assuming they are doing it out of a fear of vaginal birth and #3) telling them they shouldn’t have children…that would be criticizing.

And really, why is it anyone’s business anyway?  Why does any mother have to explain her reasoning behind her decisions so someone can decide whether or not she made a good choice?  And the whole issue of whether or not she was informed of her choices and educated on her options?  Why are “advocates” so quick to assume women who opt to have C-Sections aren’t educated and informed?

See? Heart on Sleeve.  Or in this case, Heart on Blog.

I am a supporter of Moms of all shapes and sizes, birth and parenting choices.  If you want to have a baby in your kitchen, you go girl!  If you want to breastfeed until toddlerhood, that is fantastic.  If you want to skip the VBAC and go with something you know and are comfortable with, only YOU can make those decisions.  If you want to avoid a C-Section at all costs?  Good for you.

Just don’t tell me my choice shouldn’t be an option.

 

 

* Every time the mention of a C-Section comes up natural birth advocates pull out a litany of reasons a woman should have chosen natural birth, regardless of the reasons behind it.  There is always something else you could have done, some technique you could have used, a better more supportive ob/ midwife/ partner.  No reason is ever good enough to make it “medically necessary”.

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8 Comments on “Heart, Meet Sleeve”

  1. 1 Laura P said at 5:38 pm on June 30th, 2011:

    Personally I don't get why there is a need to judge someone based upon how they choose to deliver their baby. (or feed their baby, diaper their baby, etc)

    I could say more but well I think it's just best if I stop with what I've already said.

  2. 2 erinclot said at 6:00 pm on June 30th, 2011:

    There is *so* much to say, but yes. Thanks for reading 🙂

  3. 3 Sarah said at 6:10 pm on June 30th, 2011:

    What is with all the judginess out there? I mean, I have issues with my own c/s but they're MY issues (and I'm sure you remember all the reasoning behind it). Who am I to tell anyone else how they should thing/do things? sheesh….

  4. 4 erinclot said at 9:31 pm on June 30th, 2011:

    Yes! It's like everything in motherhood. Just because it's right for you doesn't mean it's right for me and at the end of the day you make your own decisions. It doesn't affect me in any way how your kids exit your body, so why would I care if you are OK, I'm OK.

    Of course it was all followed up with "I didn't mean to offend" "I'm sorry some people took it so personally" yada yada yada….but what do you expect? Say you don't like C-Sections. OK. But make a blanket statement that women who plan them are afraid of childbirth and shouldn't have kids…excuse me? Just because you don't want it for yourself doesn't mean it's not a perfectly valid option for someone else.

  5. 5 Mandie said at 7:24 am on July 1st, 2011:

    The way I see it…..why should anyone give a damn how I birth my child? Does it personally affect them in any way? Is it there vagina/abdomen that is going through it? I didn't have a c-section with Dawson. It wasn't needed. But I did have a controlled vaginal birth complete with the absolutely amazing epidural. You had twins. 2 babies and I have a feeling you would have NEVER found a doctor that would have been 100% supportive of letting you vaginally birth both babies in any given situation. B/C doctors don't work like that. They run on risks not on likelyhoods. Then with your singleton, again there ARE risks to vbacing….and it's no one's business if you weren't comfortable to take unnecessary risks. I can't stand people like that. It's just like the breastfeeding debate or the cloth diaper debate or the co sleeping debate….in my family, we do what works.

  6. 6 Janine said at 2:02 am on July 2nd, 2011:

    I feel like less of a woman for having an epidural, I'll admit it.

    It sounds like yours WAS medically necessary. From her definition, I would think that she was referring to women with an uncomplicated, low-risk pregnancy who choose to have a c-section. Women who choose a c-section from the moment they find out they are pregnant. Everyone has a choice, but i can see her point if that is what she meant.

    Birth is a touchy subject!

  7. 7 Dagmar said at 10:47 am on August 11th, 2011:

    Thank you, Janine, that's exactly what I meant – medically UNNECESSARY C-sections, I don't understand why women would choose them. But I don't have to, it's their choice.

    I'm used to people misinterpreting my words and only hearing what they want to hear — or don't want to hear — so they can jump on me or feel better about their own choice or experience.

    I was posing a question, and of course I have my own opinion, but anyone who gets all wound up about what I personally think is giving me way too much power. You are happy with your elected C-section? Great! I just personally would never go that route for many reasons. I have heard too many stories of moms who have had terrible C-sections and feel guilty or have medical issues afterward. I just want to make moms think twice about elective C-section and encourage them to learn more about other options.

    Have the birth you want to have, just make sure you really educate yourself about your options is what I am all about.

  8. 8 ewoman88 said at 12:12 pm on July 4th, 2011:

    asdfghjkl! This makes me so angry! I had an emergency C-section on March 20th and I am STILL recovering from it. I went to the doctor's today to find out the incision site has gotton infected again and I need to go back on anitbiotics and a whole bunch of other shite! If I had known my pelvis was a funny shape I would have planned it right then and there! and people who told me for years that I had "child-bearing hips"? I showed them eh? 😛


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