Just another Minnesota Mom blog.

Support with Integrity

Posted: January 26th, 2012 | Author: | Filed under: Breastfeeding Blog Hop | Tags: Breastfeeding, Breastfeeding Blog Hop, Support Groups | 12 Comments »

Welcome to the Breastfeeding Blog Hop hosted by Happiness Redefined, The Gnome’s Mom, and ME! This week’s topic is Support with Integrity. If you haven’t taken the pledge I hope you will. Every single one of you has been the picture of judgement-free support over the past year wherever and whenever it has been needed. For that I thank you! Be sure to link up your posts and spread around the love!

Support with Integrity

I’ve talked a lot about how in the first 6 months of nursing Judah, I spent a lot of time on Twitter and Facebook. It was easily accessible from my phone with one hand. There were always breastfeeding moms and breastfeeding advocates on at any time, day or night.

Most of the time it was helpful. Some of the time it was not. Some of the time it made me feel worse than I already did about the issues we were having. My will to succeed was often questioned. I was told on numerous occasions that I was making excuses, that I didn’t really want to breastfeed so I was blaming it on supply issues. I was reminded time and again that supply issues are very rare and I probably was not suffering from that. I was told it was more likely I just didn’t want to try harder, formula companies had marketed their way into my brain and I was now unable to think for myself and was going to take the easy way out…

After awhile you learn to delete these people from your Twitter stream, but it can be hard to see that some support is just bullying and not supportive at all. It’s even harder when those people are held up as advocates above everyone else.

I have vowed to never be that person. Every single mother deserves the right to feed her child however she chooses.

One time.
One hour.
One day.
One week.
One month.
One year.

Every mother deserves judgement-free support for simply being a mother and should not be questioned or interrogated because of how she feeds her baby. Not everyone has the same ideals, and you can’t force breastfeeding.

I had to learn to step back a bit after my sister had her daughter. I feel quite protective about breastfeeding and I wanted her to feel the same way. She was much less attached to it. I almost demanded that she be on board and strive for long term goals.

That wasn’t the right approach. I knew that. It didn’t work on me with the lactivists on Twitter, why would I turn around and be that way to my own sister?

Sometimes you just have to step back and see what happens. In this case, Sweet D is nursing like a champ and just passed 6 months of breastfeeding. (And I get texts and phone calls for advice every now and then.)

I just read an interesting article out of the UK about pulling back a bit on the Breast is Best rhetoric. I think that is a good start. Trusting mothers to make the right decisions for themselves and their families, even if it’s not what you would choose should be the number one rule for supporting moms.

Take the challenge, sign the pledge.

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12 Comments on “Support with Integrity”

  1. 1 Diana said at 11:52 am on January 26th, 2012:

    Fully agree with just trusting mothers and supporting them, without judging…
    My recent post Stork Craft Tuscany 4-in-1 Stages Crib

  2. 2 Texas Momma said at 5:57 pm on January 26th, 2012:

    Good for you for deleting the people who weren't helpful in your breastfeeding journey! It can be a long, hard road and we moms don't need any more speed bumps than the ones nature throws gives us!

  3. 3 Becky Worthman said at 6:24 pm on January 26th, 2012:

    This is a wonderful idea! I am signing the pledge!

  4. 4 Beth R said at 7:19 pm on January 26th, 2012:

    I am signing the pledge! Thank you so much and I do think it is important to be supportive but not judgmental. It is a hard thing when something is close to your heart, but I think sometimes pushing it on someone has the opposite effect. Thanks for sharing

  5. 5 amy v said at 9:56 pm on January 26th, 2012:

    great post- I totally get how you feel and i'm sorry you (or any mom) wa made to feel inferior because of the choices made of how you fed your child. breastfeeding isa hot topic but sometimes people who may initially mean well end up coming across as rude. i'm signing the pledge!

  6. 6 Marah said at 7:40 am on January 27th, 2012:

    it's a hard concept. mothering can be so competitive…

  7. 7 Sarah Jane said at 11:08 am on January 27th, 2012:

    Great post!! I agree that breast milk is superior over formula, but I also think that when SO MUCH emphasis is placed on "Breast is Best" and mothers choose not to breastfeed, they are looked down on and it can be implied that they don't love their child enough to give them THE best. I think education and support are need. Parents need to be educated about all choices-breast milk and formula-pros and cons of each, and once a decision is made, mothers need support and not criticism. I signed the pledge a few weeks ago, but was thrilled to link up!!
    My recent post Mummy's Yeast Rolls {Recipe}

  8. 8 Rachel N said at 5:31 pm on January 27th, 2012:

    I agree that you should never force your parenting styles on someone else. I know that breastfeeding is right for our family but it may not be right for everyone. i will support anyone who chooses to breastfeed but I will not make anyone feel as less of a mother for formula feeding.

  9. 9 Suzanne ~ Natureduo said at 8:24 pm on January 27th, 2012:

    Who knew that the mommy world was so judgmental? Not me until I joined…WOW! Glad I found the Blog Hop when we were struggling it is full of "support with integrity." 🙂 Thanks for that.
    My recent post Support the Mammas

  10. 10 Jenny K said at 10:13 pm on January 29th, 2012:

    I signed the pledge! Thanks for hosting the blog hop. I'm having fun joining this year!
    My recent post Upcoming Event: 2012 Savory Summer Giveaway Hop

  11. 11 Supporting a New Breastfeeding Mother said at 3:51 pm on January 30th, 2012:

    […] post is linked up to The Breastfeeding Blog Hop and Monday’s Natural Parenting Blog […]

  12. 12 Andrea G. said at 6:09 am on February 3rd, 2012:

    I honestly don't understand the judging. As a mom, shouldn't you have the right to support and be supported by other moms? What is with the judging?!

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